JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
