So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
