I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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