Christians are straight up FREAKS
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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