Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
