I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
