batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
