I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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