what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize