i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
