Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
