i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize