the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
