you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
