Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
