Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
