i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
