are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to get me chipped asap
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
