I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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