we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
