Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
