how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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