i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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