Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
