That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
