Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
