Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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