Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
