trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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