I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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