Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
