capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
