At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
