Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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