I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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