i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
