the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
