What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My liver just had a heart attack.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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