never play flip cup with pint glasses
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize