well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
