i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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