Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
