I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She bit a glass in half.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
