Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
