The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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