Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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