I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're like the curious george of whores
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
