Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Lo siento on account of my penis...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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