I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize