brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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