I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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