Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
