dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My underwear smells like fireworks.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
