You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
