so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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