Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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