y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need a beard to bite.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize