I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
