so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
