You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize