She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
