why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
