it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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