I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
