I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
